For many of us, the word “consensus” brings to mind a heated argument, a long afternoon in a meeting room, or a lively brainstorming session. Consensus emerges as people work through their differences and settle on a way forward. That outcome can fall short of unanimous agreement and still be the best solution for the group under the circumstances.
Everyone has their own values and worldview. A couple of discussions are unlikely to change them, and there’s no need to try. We still have to keep things moving when people think differently, or we’ll be stuck arguing and discussing indefinitely.
Many meetings end without a conclusion. Sometimes nobody speaks up. Sometimes there are too many opinions for the group to agree. In the first case, people need to trust each other enough to say what they think. In the second, they need to listen, acknowledge each other’s points, organize the ideas, and bring them together.
Consensus starts with mutual respect. If everyone is fixated on their own ideas and refuses to entertain any challenge, discussion turns into a war of words over who can persuade whom. It can end in a quarrel. Give others room to speak and listen to what they say, just as you expect them to hear you out.
Go in with a realistic expectation. If 30 or 40 percent of your view makes it into the final agreement, count that as a win. When one person dictates the whole outcome, they’re calling the shots by themselves.
To reach consensus more efficiently, listen to the back-and-forth for one or two directions most people can get behind. Build on them with your own ideas and present them in a structured way. Next, offer that proposal as a provisional conclusion to give the group something concrete to work with. When someone raises an objection, keep the parts they agree with and work through the points of disagreement. After two or three rounds, people see the provisional conclusion get fuller and firmer and begin to accept it as the outcome of the discussion. That’s one small technique for reaching consensus.
In our everyday discussions, the thing we probably agree on most often is the time of the next meeting.